Muslim Matters had an article a week ago called “The Polygamist Fantasy and the Distressing of the Sisters.”. Lots and lots of virtual ink has been spilt over this topic and it’s not my goal here to rehash it.
Rather, I would like to state bluntly why I think anyone entering into a polygamous marriage here in the United States is simply nuts: Your marriage is not legally recognized. Period.
This can, and does (tiresomely, over and over and over again) lead to all sorts of legal problems if, as happens more often than people will admit, the man decides to walk. This, in turn, leads to all sorts of legal hassles because, the second, third or fourth marriage is not legally recognized here in the USA, and proving that your kids are entitled to support (if you go that route, and you WILL go that route if you apply for any sort of relief or welfare from the state) can be a first class pain in the neck. By contrast, the children of a marriage are privileged: they are prima facie assumed to be the husband’s, absent some pretty compelling evidence. That’s just one of the hassles involved, although, for most families, that’s probably the largest and most time-consuming.
Polygamy may be sunnah, but I’m also reminded that all the wives have to be treated fairly. Most men can’t do it. And, as far as I’m concerned, all this discussing and joking around masks a fairly serious insecurity on the part of Muslim women: If I marry in polygamy, will I and my children be supported?
Personally, I think anyone who has a pie-in-the-sky idea about marriage and family ought to be made to sit through a semester course in down and dirty family law at an accredited law school. It gets ugly. It gets mean. You read cases about people fighting over dogs (ironically, to the exclusion of the kids, who are kind of an afterthought). You come out of there with a strong knowledge that marriage may be honorable, but when a marriage fails, the mess it leaves behind is all over the place.
