Gendered doctrine in Islam.
It was taught to me when I married that on Judgement Day, I as a man will be held responsible for the sins of my wife – that it is not she that will burn in the hellfire for her sins, but I. Likewise for children.
Is this or is this not orthodox Islamic teaching?
If so, how can we possibly criticize any Muslim man for attempting to control the actions of his wife and children?
pi.info 11:31 am on November 17, 2009 Permalink |
I should note that controlling children is not noteworthy for this line of questioning until the children become teenagers and even adults. At this older stage, it may still seem like reasonable concern for some men to control their older children’s behavior out of fear for their own souls…
aziz 12:01 pm on November 17, 2009 Permalink |
I’ve never heard of that before. Cant speak for other madhabs but its definitely not a core concept.
abunoor 12:10 pm on November 17, 2009 Permalink |
John,
First of all the wife is a fully responsible adult who will have to answer for her own actions…there is absolutely no justification for any statement that she will not be accountable for her actions. Allah (swt) says in the Qur’an that no soul will bear the burden of another and repeatedly emphasizes that women are spiritually equal to men meaning that they are responsible and accountable for thir own selves in the same way that men are.
The Prophet (saw) did say the following:
Allaah (swt) says in the Qur’an what can be translated as: (from Surah Tahreem)
Yaa ayyuha lladheena ‘aamanoo qoo anfusakum wa ahleekhum naaran qooduhaan naasu wal-hijaaratu …..
O You who believe! Protect yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is humans and stones…
There is no contradiction between these principles. In general, although we stand before Allaah alone on Judgment Day, we will get reward for what we did to encourage or help others to do good and we will be accountable for what we did, or failed to do, or whatever bad we encouraged others to do.
This is generally true, but Allaah (swt) specifically gave us certain responsibilities and we will be especially responsible for whether and in what manner we fulfilled those responsibilities. So for a man he will be responsible for the extent to which he tried to help his wife to do good, taught her what he knew, allowed her to fulfill her responsibilities to God, tried to advise her if she is making mistakes, etc. However, if the man does the best he could and his wife or his child or anyone else still makes mistakes, the man is only responsible for his own efforts, in the end the hearts are in the control of Allah.
This is crystal clear in the Qur’an which mentions Noah’s son and Lot’s wife as people who rejected the message and were punished, but this punishment did not extend to Noah or Lot. Also, we see in the Prophet’s life he could not make his uncle Abu Talib believe and this pained him a great deal but Allaah comforted him (as) by making clear that he can only do what he can do and he cannot force his uncle to believe.
Obviously when people are children, parents do have a certain ability and therefore responsibility to “force” their child to do the right thing or prevent their child from doing wrong. The specifics of that require case by case analysis.
In the classical Islamic understanding arising from the Qur’anic ayah that Men are the protectors and maintainers of women and from hadith such as the one mentioned above, it was understood that husbands also have a certain authority over their wives that should be used in the best of possible manners. The Prophet (saw) said “The best of you is the one who is best to his family, and I am the best of you in the treatment of my family.”
The extent to which the classical understanding comes from the divine sources and the extent to which it was a product of the patriarchal societies in which it was interpreted, is of course something on which there will be a range of modern day understandings and applications.
Allaah Knows Best.
abunoor 12:26 pm on November 17, 2009 Permalink |
So, to sum up if you were told that a woman is not responsible for her own actions that is wrong and to me quite disturbing.
The idea that a husband “is responsible” for the sins of his wife and children I think is a somewhat common “folk” or “shortcut” understanding of the longer explanation I gave. I am more comfortable with the longer explanation.
This is of course very different from notions of “honor” or “shame” which may be present in many Muslim cultures. The first difference is that we are talking about being concerned with a person committing sins, while in “honor” cultures the concern is not the sin but public/community perception of the family “honor.” So, for example a husband who does not care that his teen daughter or wife don’t pray or doesn’t give them a chance to learn about the religion but all of a sudden is very upset if they are talking to a man or don’t wear hijab is obviously not concerned at all with religion or his relationship to God but is concerned about what other people think about him or his own selfish sense of ego or control.
pi.info 4:07 pm on November 17, 2009 Permalink |
Abu Noor, this was a long, thoughtful and careful response and I wanted to thank you for it. Now that it’s in the blogosphere hopefully for an eternity, it will exist to correct others who get similar bad information to that that was imparted to me. Also to correct those who are born to bad information (‘born Muslims’)
willow 12:38 pm on November 17, 2009 Permalink |
I too am hearing this somewhat bizarre suggestion for the first time. Where’d you pick this up, John, out of curiosity?
pi.info 12:43 pm on November 17, 2009 Permalink |
A member of the family I married into.
pi.info 12:48 pm on November 17, 2009 Permalink |
In fact, we had lunch one day with a group of Dominican sisters who are involved in a charity project I participate in, and it was ‘explained’ to them too…
willow 12:57 pm on November 17, 2009 Permalink |
Man, people are so helpful.
When I converted, my only exposure to Islam was through the Quran, so I too was baffled by some of the strange, contradictory things ‘born’ Muslims would insist were true. Then my husband, bless him, introduced me to a very useful rule of thumb: if it sounds like bullsh*t, it usually is.
pi.info 1:36 pm on November 17, 2009 Permalink
Lesson to the converted: Be careful about putting your faith in the hands of ‘born Muslims.’
abunoor 3:22 pm on November 17, 2009 Permalink
John, you just have to be a thinking adult, bro. Do you take the statements of random people without any specialized training or expertise on any other subjects without verifying them?
And I don’t mean you should ignore what people tell you, because I believe you can benefit a lot from some people who have no special training and I believe you can benefit at least somewhat from anybody and everybody, but I don’t take anyone’s word on anything without checking it out…I would’ve thought you were the same way.
pi.info 4:04 pm on November 17, 2009 Permalink
Consider the context though: This is information I was taking from family, people who get a perhaps undue amount of trust. Also, there is the whole set of energies around, ‘Who am I, a brand new convert, to question these people who have been living the deen since birth?’ There is alot of possibility there to get bowled over when you’re in a state of opening your heart to both God and people…
But kudos to you and mashallah, I am totally on board now with being skepitcal and challenging the things people say to you who are otherwise in profoundly close relationship to you.