willow
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02:13:09 pm on July 31, 2008 | # | |
For months now I’ve been reading Tariq Nelson’s thoughtful commentary on Muslim marriage in general and convert marriage in particular. Anyone with half a brain who has read these and other essays must notice a pattern: young, naive converts being pressured into marriages with woefully unsuitable partners. I just read Hijabman’s open debate on the subject, and if I was a camel and it was a straw…well, you know the rest.
So for any new convert who might be reading, I am going to share a philosophy that worked wonderfully for me: for the first several months after your conversion, stay out of the Muslim community. Just stay away. You are too vulnerable to distinguish the people who want to help you from the people who want to exploit you. Right now, you should be focused on your relationship with God. This is precious, precious time that you will never get back. It’s terrifying, and for that reason you may be tempted to seek out people who will comfort you. Don’t. This part is meant to be terrifying. This is the time when you can truly feel God running toward you as you stumble toward Him. Don’t waste it on a bunch of bitter voyeuristic old aunties. You are in a state of spiritual purity that you will never achieve again, unless by some unlikely miracle you turn out to be a saint. Sit with it. Pray with it. Be alone with it. It’s the best gift you will ever give yourself.
After things have sorted themselves out and you’ve learned to see with your new eyes, join the community. By this time you will know through and through what kind of Muslim you are, and you’ll be able to see the nitpickers and snake-oil salesmen for who they are. You’ll be able to make real friends and good marriages.
This is your rebirth, and you have to be your own midwife. Tough it out. Trust me, you’ll thank yourself later.
</rant>
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Naeem 2:10 pm on August 1, 2008 | #
AA- Willow,
I don’t normally make cheerleading comments, but making exception here:
What an amazingly beautiful rant! Seriously, this needs to be repeated over and over and over…excellent, excellent advice sis!
Also, your advice could easily be applicable to many Muslims who are all too often turned off by the Masjid scene…